TO THE STRAIGHT WHITE DUDE WHO THINKS IT’S HARD TO BE A MALE FEMINIST, WHO THINKS WOMEN SHOULD BE NICER ABOUT FEMINISM, WHO THINKS WOMEN ARE TOO ANGRY:
I can’t oppress a group in power. Oppression is prejudice+power. There’s no reverse racism, there’s no misandry. There’s no oppressive, systematic, institutionalized force against white, straight dudes.
No one is trying to subjugate men. Like, seriously. We’re trying to get them to listen, for fucking once, instead of getting butthurt when they do something offensive and for once someone calls them on it.
Bro, you’ve had the entire world at your feet; so yeah, admit you might have fucked up, deal with the fact that we’re angry, and move on. Instead of going ‘omg don’t get mad at me’ try going ‘well, shit. why are you mad at me? hm. i’ll think about that.’
And you’re addressing gay rights (nope) and black rights (also nope) as things that a) you have any right to deal with. You’re a STRAIGHT. WHITE. DUDE. you don’t know what oppression feels like. You don’t, and that’s so, super lucky for you. You’re also implying that both racism and homophobia are fixed. Dude, as of seven years ago, I couldn’t get married. That’s fucked up. And yeah, I can now. But it’s stil; incredibly hard for me to adopt a kid. I still have to worry about if my sexuality will be held against me when I apply for jobs. I deal with homophobia on a daily basis. Don’t try and tell me that After Stonewall isn’t the gay rights movement people remember. Like, dude, no.
You don’t GET IT. And I know that’s a super shitty and hard thing for you to understand, but you need to stop trying to tell women that they’re doing it wrong. And don’t tell me that you aren’t. You’re not suggesting. You’re telling me that being mad will lead to the failure of my movement, and that you know a better way.
Listen: I don’t want to do it your way. We’ve tried it your way. Do you think feminism is new? You think we didn’t try sweet and nice and polite. This isn’t a new movement, bro. We’ve been fighting for decades, and yeah, we’re sort of getting sick of dudes telling us to shut up and sit down and be nice and ask politely and maybe try it this way and maybe do this.
I’m sorry you’re offended by my anger. I’m sorry the patriarchy has demonized the angry woman. I’m sorry that you didn’t feel welcome in a feminist space. I’m sorry that you disagreed with the representation of men in that one article I posted.
But I am offended by your oppression. I am offended by the idea that your anger is celebrated while I’m supposed to ask politely. I’m sick of feeling unwelcome in any space that wasn’t created as a safe space for me. I’m sick of being told to suck it up against sexism wherever I go. I’m sick of the misrepresentation (or lack of) of women in nearly every tv show, every movie, every single medium across the board.
I’m sick of you, dude. Sorry.
Kelly Bennett is a co-moderator at Guerrilla Feminism Canada and an all around awesome person.